As we sink deeper into winter, it’s only fitting that I accidentally spent 30 days with death. Maybe not so accidental at all...
Wintertime is meant for inward reflection, solitary magic, death cycles, and minimal energy exertion. The year starts with motivating and inspiring season starting cardinal Capricorn. We’ve leapt out the gates head first into our New Years resolutions, letting go of things we’ve deemed bad or un serving, a la The Devil, tarot ruler of Capricorn. Four weeks in and we’ve either stuck with it, or fizzled out like the slow leak of a balloon. We’ve come out the other side of two eclipses, lunar and solar, grand opportunities for shadow work, as major celestial events always are, and still the greater call to hibernate, conserve, reflect may have kept us hiding under the sheets until starry eyed alien Aquarius season when forward movement slows way down to a hurry up and wait.
This lunar cycle brought back the return of my internal moon, my first since giving birth 9 months ago. In my solo magical practice I’d been asking for connection to my sacral chakra, creative activation and connection to the goddess. And so it is, I experienced a creative burst and deepening of my intuition in only a way that my bodies wisdom can provide, the return of my life death life cycle, and what a gift she is now. I felt tremendous activation in my accessibility to lunar wisdom, even grief over shedding the unfertilized egg that will never become a baby, what a revelation to behold the power of creating and sustaining life within my body having come out the other side of pregnancy and giving birth. I had begun sunbathing through the window as the sun rose over the mountains of the foggy costal city we call home. I think that daily vitamin d boost helped regulate my hormones.
Still following the lead of my intuition I continued to explore my ancestry and local cemeteries. Around the middle of January, we were jolted awake by two early morning earthquakes. The incident left me triggered for days, terrified of daily earthquakes or worse and even bigger one. When in public I would think to myself, why is no one else afraid? Understandably, earthquakes in California are just “part of the program” the only large earthquake I’ve ever felt was the 1989 earthquake. I was 6 years old don’t remember the feeling of the quake itself. My Dad was in the showroom of the dealership he worked for at the moment the quake hit, the glass shattered and left him with a few solid wounds. He came home hours after he was supposed to and with no cell phones in those days there was nothing we could do but just wait. I’ll never forget the moment he turned the corner into the kitchen, almost 10pm that night, his dress pants shredded, blood on his shirt and bandages everywhere. Earthquakes terrified me for years after.
I lived here the first time for 24 years and only felt one earthquake, I’ve been back for 5 months and I’ve felt 2 already! How could you do this to me California we just got here..
I was battling feelings of betrayal, intense paralyzing fear, and feeling utterly teeny tiny. The reality of forces beyond my control became wildly apparent and nothing brings you to your knees and asks you “what the fuck are you doing with your life?” like an earthquake.
I had to coach myself through it, I had to just be ok with surrendering to the thought that yes one could happen at any second. One of the many perils of wisdom I had gleaned from my time as a doula was the powerful magic in leaning into fear. During pregnancy, when a “what if... happens?” comes up, the only way to sort through they fear is to answer it. Answering that what if removes the thought from your mind because you have created a game plan should an unexpected outcome arise.
I answered all my what if’s, moved a ton of fear (ironically this coincided with the full moon lunar eclipse) accepted the fact that in our changing world nowhere feels totally safe. We spent a lot of time together as a family we carried on with our exploration of our home and our discussion of how to achieve our dreams.
A Sunday Salvation Army drop off trip turned into a lunch date in a cemetery.
Hello darkness my old friend. Death, the ultimate distraction.
We explored the Olivet Cemetary in Colma, California a city with over one million people interred in any one of the thirteen cemeteries within the city limits. Since my last cemetary exploration a month ago, I’m starting to feel like an old pro a home walking among the gravestones, observing and feeling everything around me.
Olivet has a few interesting things, a monument to the Showfolks of America and an ominous monument to the Sailors of the Union Pacific. My curiosity was peaked and I decided to find out more about both of these unique monuments. Going down the rabbit hole of local history I discovered how Colma came to be a city where the dead outnumber the living.
After the boom of the goldrush to San Francisco in the 1800s, disease became rampant, killing people by the hundreds. Cemeteries were overflowing with the deceased by the 1880s. Four large cemeteries taking up over 80 acres of precious San Francisco real estate had to go to keep up with expansion of the flourishing city. The people of San Francisco voted and the city banned future burials within city limits and ordered for hundreds of thousands of bodies to be exhumed and moved down the pennisula to the city of Colma. Surviving family of the dead was contacted regarding the relocation of their relatives. If no family was found the Department of Public Works used those headstones to build seawalls at Ocean Beach and for rain gutters in other parts of the city. The land currently is the Laurel Heights neighborhood and the only original structure that remains is the San Francisco Columbarium, a repository for cremated remains.
The passage of time weighs heavily on me now having a parent that resides on the other side of the veil. Who will remember and honor the dead from the generations to come. What is the environmental impact of traditional burial practice as we know it today for future generations. There is an obvious need for unpacking and removing the stigma of death and grief in America..
I wanted to share some energetic practice for protection and clean up if you are considering working with or around the dead. These are general rules of thumb that I have gleaned over the years in my spiritual practice and in no way is a complete list. Always listen to your intuition first and foremost.
1. Protect yourself with either protective gemstones, herbs or a combination of both. Black tourmaline is highly effective as well as bay leaves, Rosemary, lavender and mullein. Call in guides, Angels, ancestors etc to cover you in protective light.
2. Ask for permission and make an offering. They will be specific with what they want from you in return.
3. Listen to your intuition. If you feel any feelings that make you uncomfortable stop right away.
4. If any unwanted attachments occur retrace your steps. Listen to what their asking for to make it right.
5. Cover yourself in bright light and command the attachment to leave. Call in assistance from angels, guides etc to back you up. Stand in your power and don’t be afraid even if you’re afraid.
6. Burn herbal smudge to send a stronger message if the entity won’t leave. Bay leaves, Rosemary, frankincense will all work. Use homegrown white sage ONLY as a last ditch effort if nothing at all is working. You can also bang pots and pans together or play a singing bowl very loudly going from room to room just as you would with smoldering herbs.